HEY EVERY READER OUT THERE..
i'm looking for possible movie or tv drama auditions as i am interested in stuff like these.. anyone have any idea of where i can go for such auditions, or is there particular website whereby i can get information about movie auditions or tv auditions.. Thanks a lot.. and i sincerly hope to get a reply soon!!

so tired and dizzy now man!! Garden grill was packed with more than 28 paxs, with only 3 people working.. quite rush working though.. after work, had drink with Mr Randolph till 11.30, drank white wine and Baron's .. rather dizzy now.. but still know what i'm doing.. tired is all i can describe about my condition right now.. kinda sleep soon, as i have class at 9 in the morning, bye bye and may all of us have the sweetest dreams tonight

tuesday morning.. so tired.. slept rather late last night knowing that there is no school for me today.. waking up wondering what i should do for the day.  shall i start off by doing my tutorials, open my books and go through past-year papers at the same time or ?? no idea!! go scan photos to upload into friendster first before deciding on what to do for the afternoon.. bye and have a nice day everyone

got all my common tests results already.. pretty pleased with my results.. though my results are of mostly grade C and B+.. haha.. cos this is my first time in poly life i got so well.. haha.. i'll strive harder for my exams.. believe i can do better than that..

she ignored my message for another time.. is she really that bad as to ignore my messages all the time? or am i the one that is bad.. am i disturbing her a lot..? am i making her think of me as a nuisance? am i?? if not then just what's the reason behind everything? do you really want me to weep over things like that? Or is it time i reconsider whether what i've done for you is right or wrong in the first place.. should i just give up everything that i've done so far? or perhaps have i done any? *think *think *think






































no doubt about it.. i don't think i'll give up that easily.. perhaps she is right that the time is just not suitable for us now.. perhaps i'll just wait and wait again.. Just will she wait for me? whether yes or no, i'll always be there for you even if we are not together..

whoa.. after so much stress in the past few weeks due to the scholl common test, finally had time to relax myself at KTV.. so shiok sia.. long time never sing already.. hehe.. really was a time where i put everything aside and just vent out whatever thats in me.. even good or bad.. sing till very shiok is what i could say overall.. however, some slight things happened making everyone look so serious and the one most affected is Angela. when Toon Seng asked bao-er and angela to shift more to their right (there's quite a space over there), they just refused. I don't know what actually got into me and i asked rasied my voice saying, (Diam lah, zhuo guo qu).. which means shut up and move.. as angela was facing me at that time, therefore i think she is the one most affected! very very sorry! what seems to be an enjoyable night has almost gone because of me.. sorry everyone who was there.. (Ah Huat, Ah Pek, Toon Seng, Kelvin, Alex, Bao Er, Zisheng and Angela especially).. i sincerly apologise for what happened last night.. I was in the wrong

I sent Michelle a message again hoping that things won't get in the wrong way, I hoped a lot for us being together once and again. Even till now, I haven't give up. It was Michelle who made me cried and made me stopped crying. She said if I really care about her, I would respect her decision. I don't know what actually came into me. I actually stopped crying. Those words meant a lot to Michelle and me as well.

We didn't message each other as much as we did, and no more phone calls till now. Not because I don't want to speak to her or trying to avoid her, but is the other way round. I feel that she is ignoring me, no matter how many messages I send her; there was just no reply. I want to have let this friendship live in us forever (though I want more than that), and hope we can contact each other once again. Maybe I'm the one asking too much.

To clear your doubts, I have never thought of treating you as a replacement or someone who is able to be with me when I’m lonely. I love you for who you are and what you are. I know you rejected accompany out of Valentine's Day is because you thought I was finding you to keep myself occupied. But what you thought of was wrong, I have never thought of that. Even if it’s just an ordinary day, any day, wherever, wherever, I am still eager to go out with you. Please don't think of things that far, things aren't what you thought to be. I'm really very serious in you.

Through reading your personal web page, I understood a lot of things about you. If I’m not wrong, I can sense that you have not forgotten me after so many years, and you also phrase when you rejected going out with me, there is a sense of regretful-ness in you. I wonder why makes you think about that. Perhaps you have hinted me once or never, just that I'm so insensitive. I'm a very insensitive guy though; I don't know what the others are thinking. Even if I know, I would just ignore them, thinking that things are not as easy as I thought to be. My sincere apologies to you. I have all along not forgotten you, and you are always in my mind.

I know I'm asking too much at once, and the only reason I can think of is I care a lot for you. After being separated from you for 4 years plus and counting, I'm just couldn't imagine losing you again. These four years have been very painful for me, I kept reflecting on the past. The times we spent together, together or not. I do not want to wait anymore, that’s why I'm asking things too far beyond at once. Hope you understand this.

Although there are times that I wanted very much to be with you again, I also have some fear within me. Since you were the one who broke my heart the other time, I always imagine what would happen if we were to be together again. I got no confidence though. Thinking of that actually makes me break down, and cried often. Every time I think of this, I would kept asking myself what have I actually done wrong at that time, why would you want to break up with me, Lots of things,
Now, I just wish that if we were able to be together, the relationship will last. Everlasting relationship is what I’m yearning for. You are the one who came into my life, brought me to the person that I am now, whether good or bad. I have not changed a single thing since the time we met. Whatever I'm doing now, I always felt lonely, and hope that you were to be my side. Not because I feel lonely, but because I need you. I really hope that you will give me a chance.

No reply thereafter, my messaging with Zisheng stopped. In the morning the next day, I waited outside Zisheng lab, needing someone to talk to. As I was sitting there alone for an hour, the memories came back again. This time round, I held my tears. I don't want to cry out. Only Zisheng knew about my problem at that time. After an hour, his lab session ended. He came out and asked me what happened, and this time round, my eyes were very wet. I couldn't control my tears anymore. But all this was a while. We gathered Toon Seng, Darren and some of the guys together and we went to have out lunch at Food Junction.

As there was a number of guys around, Zisheng said whatever that I want to make known we shall talk at night, when we meet up. Things weren't the same the whole day, and I felt like crying. The feeling was worse than the time we broke up. Perhaps this is because of what Michelle has said after a long wait of more than four years. I hardly spoke a word for the whole day and everyone started teasing me saying I got no one to go out with on Valentine’s Day that’s why I’m having a bad mood

In the evening, Zisheng, Hong Zhi, Toon Seng, and some of Toon Seng close friends, we went to Mr. Bean. On the way there, Zisheng and Toon Seng told me not to worry so much about the things between Michelle and me. We do have a chance since she likes me as much as I love her. I didn't cry that evening though, I held my tears and feelings real well. They thought nothing I was very fine and nothing has actually happened to me, but they were wrong, very wrong. My expressions and doings hide all my heart was feeling. No ones actually knows what I’m feeling about. I just don't want to speak about it. Speaking about it will only remind me of it. They told me about the times they spent wooing their girlfriends back then, and now they are still together, so happy! So great for them, how much I wish things would be the same for me. If we were still together since the time we started out our relationship, it would have been more than four years and counting. Fantastic right? I just hope for a long relationship with someone, having one ideal relationship and treasuring it is enough for me. Whatever that will happen next would be another story. All the best for Hong Zhi's, Zisheng, Toon Seng and all my dear friends relationships. Hope your relationship with you girlfriend/boyfriend last forever.

That same day, in the evening, I called Michelle again during my lab session. I was supposed to do my things but I got quite fed up with doing those things, as they were too difficult for everyone. Even the smartest guy in the class couldn't do it. In the end, I decided to call Michelle instead of doing my work. The conversation with Michelle this time round we chatted was very smooth and never speak about anything that hurt each other's heart. At once, I felt that perhaps Zhili meant what he said and the chance of us getting together are getting closer and closer, as days goes by. We hung up the phone shortly, as my hand phone battery was running low

As the lab was very difficult, almost everyone in the class gave up, packed their bags and went off. I was one of them. I wanted to called Michelle up later when I reached home but didn't as she has lessons the next day. The next day was a busy day for me though and for her as well, so we didn't manage to chat with each other and had to wait till Wednesday.

I called Michelle up on that Wednesday evening. When she picked up the phone, she said she has something important to tell me. The first thought came to mind was is she going to tell me that fine, we shall be together and give it a try.

But that’s not what she said, what she actually said was the direct opposite. My world came crashing down. She kept saying that she like me, but not love, but its not love. She wants to be together with me but does not want to. She thinks our character doesn't match at all, and she sees no future in us. Even if we were to be together again, it will not last. I kept asking her that why not a chance, we like each other a lot, am I right to say that. She did say she like me as well, but there is just no chance. I began to break down again, this time crying on the phone while speaking to her. Why has this has to happen to me? Am I such a failure? She says I have not even been into NS, perhaps after NS we can be together again. After more than 4 years of wait, she has to say this to me again, and expect me to wait again. Why has she got to treat me this way? I REALLY LOVE HER A LOT!

I hung up the phone since I felt there is nothing much I can say. I'm so useless. I continued crying for the night and couldn't get myself into sleep. I just couldn't forget what she said, even till now; those words are still fresh in my memory. I felt so hurt whenever I thought of it. I send a message to a close friend Zisheng asking," If a girl says she likes you a lot but doesn't want to be together with you, how would you feel?" A question as simple as that, but the answer was not what I expected to be. He replied saying," Perhaps she is attached or doesn't like you at all."